A few thoughts and then back to what I should be doing

The following may make no sense at all. It's just various things I've been thinking and felt like typing.

Random thought #1

I always thought of death as the most lonely event. You can't die with someone, not really, maybe next to them, but it has no bearing on what happens to you both once you're dead. But we've been studying Daniel in the ladies Bible study here and we just talked about Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego in the furnace. They refuse to bow down and worship King Nebechadnezzar's fancy golden image. So Nebby says, "into my furnace then, and I'm going to make it hotter too!" So they turn it up and toss them in. 

I imagine most of us know the rest of the story: The furnace is so hot it kills the soldiers throwing the boys in. But it can't touch these guys--all it does is burn off their ropes and they start walking around. The kicker is in that there's a fourth man all of the sudden. And Nebechadnezzar exclaims that he looks like a son of the gods. 

Now I don't want to get into who exactly it is--Christ (i.e. God incarnate) or an angel. I just want to say, that it definitely means God is right there with them. And God says that in the bible in different places. But Tuesday night I realised that when you know christ, death won't be isolated at all. He'll be with you through the whole thing. I don't know why I thought that somehow he could be on this side and in heaven, but that he couldn't hold your hand the whole time. But he can--he's God. Why couldn't He?

Well, I hope that wasn't morbid. It just struck me, and I think it's actually really exciting thing to know!

Random thought #2

I get lonely sometimes here. Not always. Most of the time it's great, I have fantastic friends and I really enjoy it. I get lonely when I finish talking to someone from home though. When I'm in my house I'm always hitting the "get mail" button, certain that someone will have emailed me, even though it is something like 2 or 3am and I just checked 10 minutes ago. You never know. One day...I'm sure there will be something. I am always checking Skype and facebook in case someone is online who wants to say hi. 

The funny thing is, as much as I crave getting to talk to someone from home. The worst moment is saying "bye" on a chat or getting to the signiture that signals the end of the email. It's awful. It's the realisation that you probably won't hear anything else that day. Some how, in that second I feel very empty sometimes. It's like for that second I can hear all the quiet lapping waves stretching between me and all the people I love so much.

But then God showed me something. Two somethings. Which don't line up exactly, no analogy is perfect, so this won't be anywhere near it.

1. God wants to hear from you as much as I do, except probably more.

For as much as I long to hear or see the word "hi" God wants it more I'm sure. I think he craves our interaction with Him, afterall, didn't he make us to talk and walk with him? Things got a little messy with The Fall and sin, but that didn't change his desire to have a relationship with you personally. 

2. I feel empty after talking with someone else, but not after talking with God. I've found that when I skip clicking "get mail" 50 times an hour (and you think I'm exaggerating) and talk with God, or read my bible or study it, then I don't walk away feeling like I've swallowed a rock. I find myself encouraged by what I've read or heard, but I also feel enthused. I am so frequently excited about something God's told me, or curious about some new subject to study and learn about God. I've also found that he rewards your hardwork. When I do dig into something, he always reveals something. (segway into random thought #3)Most of the time I learn something I already knew. It's something that as soon as i try and express it turns into a cliché. At first, this frustrated me. I wanted to be able to say what I had learned, but I felt like I couldn't. Now I realise that I have actually just learned what people have always been saying. Sure I knew the words, but now I know what they mean. It's more than comprehension of the sounds, it's deeper understanding that involves the heart alongside the brain. It is a similiar experience as when I realise that I understand the French I am hearing around me. Sure, I can repeat the sounds of what I've just heard, and I'll even recognize words I've heard over and over. But it's when that understanding hits. When I know what those words mean, and when I don't have to tie my brain in a know trying to recall the english version of the French word. That's when I really know what's going on. And now, through my experiences here, I'm really just learning what I've always said and always thought I'd known. You really can't pass wisdom down in words, the words are just an expression of something that God suddenly allows you to truly see. But once you understand it, you really don't need the words at all, except to try and give a sketch of it to someone else in hopes that they have the same understanding as well. 

So---I've not idea if any of that made any sense at all. Just stuff I felt like writing down, and I figured just incase it made sense to someone, I'd post it. If not, you now have a frighteningly accurate portrayal of the inner workings of my mind!

--Jessica