So I'm back in L-ville.
It's nice, the drive was something else.
It deserves it's own post. But so do a lot of things and really I don't put the time into this blog that I would need to if I were going to write all the amazing posts that I have in my head. It's sad, but true and today I need to go repack because my bag for home is mostly full and I got much larger souveniours then I was originally thinking. But with my mad haggling skills (which means pick a low price and then stick to it until they give it to me for whatever I want (or come up just a touch and demand two...) I was able to get a lot more for my money than I thought. Details aren't going to happen though because that ruins the fun of getting home and giving things away! I didn't get the 4 foot tall carved stone elephant though. Just didn't seem like I coul get that home :-p
The most bizarre thing about being back in the 'ville is seeing civilization. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty content country bumpkin. I was quite satisfied with everything in Bongolo and Lebamba. It seemed to me that we had everything and more that we could need. Lebamba seemed like a happening place to me and we weren't lacking much.
Then I we arrived in Libreville. It was the same old Libreville but I felt like I was in a whole new world (cue song). It's huge. Really huge. There are white people I don't know here. And I stare at them like I've never seen one before. (which is weird, I know, since I could just look in the mirror.) But there is something that is just funny about it.
And the stores! My first afternoon back we were killing a little time about town and dropped in to CK2 (say-kay-doo, not to be confused with Cécado...) it's a everything but food kind of store. I felt like I was in shock seeing appliances and lamps and irons and huge tvs for sale. It's quite a bit different from Lebamba's little mom and pop style stores.
I'm adjusting back. But it's just a bit strange to see this stuff again. I remember coming here and having more of an impression of what was not here, and now it's funny to realise how much there is available here!
I'm really glad that I was able to come up for these few days with the Thelanders. Even the drive, though not entirely plesant, was fabulous in it's own way.
I felt awful most of the way here. The first part being the worst. I made it an hour or two in back with the kids. The whole time I was frantically staring out of much as the front window I could see and willing myself to not throw up. Then Joanna switched seats with me and let me sit in front. I felt really bad taking her seat since she felt bad too, but it's probably good, because I don't think I would've made it much longer in back.
The first part of the road is bumpy dirt roads filled with crevices and holes. Then after Lamberene (I think) you get to paved road. That was weird to see also. This nice paved and painted two lane road winding (and I do mean winding...) through the jungle.
It was facinating to get this view of Gabon. You drive right through all these villages and towns. There are kids walking along the road that we're flying down. Mammas and girls washing out the laundry and laying it on the grass and edge of the road to dry in the sun. Goats everywhere. A live turtle hung from a stick stuck in a barrel on the side of the road for sale. Monkeys and bananas and even a purse were all displayed the same way a different points.
It's all mostly things that I have become so very used to. It looks familiar. It's simple and it's homy and it's a hard life, but I'm going to miss being around it. I talked with Keir about how my views of the coutry and life have changed since coming here. It was neat to try and articulate those ideas, although I had a hard time getting most of them out.
As I'm getting closer and closer to leaving I people have been asking me questions about what I've learned and if I acomplished what I came to do.
And I have to say yes and no to the last one. Because I think in so many ways I didn't come with anything to acomplish. I didn't set out to change the world or to start a new program or begin a revival or to do any one thing in particular. I came because God said, "go." I had no idea what I was getting into or why. But looking back I can see why. I can see how God knew me and God knew what needed done here and he made a perfect match. I can see that God had things he wanted me to learn that I might not have listened for in the U.S. He showed me things that I'm not sure I would've ever seen while living in a busy place that satiate every desire before you even have it. I learned what trust really is, and what real joy looks like and that our God is far bigger than any one country or culture or problem.
It's funny to be going home soon, a few souveniours in the bag, and a million memories captured in my heart and in photos. A lot of friends more, many who I'll probably never see again this side of Heaven.
There's still a part of me that wants to say, "why? What did I do?" But I think God's bigger than doing something. He's taught me things and he's acomplished what he wanted to acomplish. I have no idea what that is. I maybe be able to point at a few more obvious brushstrokes, but the whole picture is really lost on me. All I know is that I feel satisfied in a way that no answer or bullet point list or slideshow could ever express. I followed God here and now I'm following him home and I've learned that following him is the very best place that I can ever be--no other circumstances or answers necessary. Now I'm just praying that I never, ever forget.
Maybe I should've held off on that till I really leave. But hey, you never know when you have time to write what. So here it is now!
